One Year Without Sis

 It’s been a year since we lost Sis, and it still hurts. Yes I still have 3 other cats but life is just not the same without her. Sis was my Baby. 

We buried Sis in our backyard and every night I go to the back door, look through the window to find her spot and I tell her good night and that I love her. I used to cry when I did this. Standing alone in the dark house, checking to make sure all the doors are locked and then I would stand at the back door and cry as I told her I loved her. It’s part of my nightly ritual and Rock has even come up beside me because he knows I’m talking to Sis. 

The boys marked Sis’s grave with a stick (for the time being) and at times the grass is taller in that area until Logan grabs the weed whacker and trims it down. I’ll walk out there from time to time and I still haven’t been able to stop the tears. 

At some point I’m going to find something or make something that will mark her spot. I was going to get a small headstone made but that ended up falling through. My wonderful best friend and neighbor, Jewel, understands my loss and had a beautiful rock painted for me with Sis’s face on it. A surprise my heart needed for sure! 

I cried to John a few weeks ago because I came to the realization that I don’t have a lap kitty anymore. Rock is only a snuggler when he wants to be. Mags mostly cuddles with Mase or by herself under his bed. Sox will from time to time, but usually Logan scares her off. Sis would sit on my lap or in my chair with me for hours and if I got up, I’d move her and she’d wait till I got back. Sis was my girl and she would demand snuggles from Momma all the time. 

Around this time of year, it’s the start of busy season for my job. I was working a lot of overtime and I wasn’t able to give Sis the attention and care that she needed like I should have. I still get mad at myself and mad at my job for the time I lost with Sis. I still go over everything in my mind and wonder, if only I was able to be home more, maybe I could have done more or maybe things could have ended differently. The “what if’s” are constant. 

In the end, I know we made the right decision to let her go. It doesn’t stop my pain of not having her here, but it does help knowing that I did everything that I could to make sure that she knew that we loved her. 

I took this last pic of Sis a little before we left for the Vet’s office. I’m not sure why I took it. I know I didn’t post it because of the 3 drops of saliva on the floor behind her. When I look at it, she is frail and fragile, but I see in the background where she will be laid to rest later in the day. It’s a real and heartbreaking picture. Sis will always be on my mind and in my heart.