One Year Without Sis

 It’s been a year since we lost Sis, and it still hurts. Yes I still have 3 other cats but life is just not the same without her. Sis was my Baby. 

We buried Sis in our backyard and every night I go to the back door, look through the window to find her spot and I tell her good night and that I love her. I used to cry when I did this. Standing alone in the dark house, checking to make sure all the doors are locked and then I would stand at the back door and cry as I told her I loved her. It’s part of my nightly ritual and Rock has even come up beside me because he knows I’m talking to Sis. 

The boys marked Sis’s grave with a stick (for the time being) and at times the grass is taller in that area until Logan grabs the weed whacker and trims it down. I’ll walk out there from time to time and I still haven’t been able to stop the tears. 

At some point I’m going to find something or make something that will mark her spot. I was going to get a small headstone made but that ended up falling through. My wonderful best friend and neighbor, Jewel, understands my loss and had a beautiful rock painted for me with Sis’s face on it. A surprise my heart needed for sure! 

I cried to John a few weeks ago because I came to the realization that I don’t have a lap kitty anymore. Rock is only a snuggler when he wants to be. Mags mostly cuddles with Mase or by herself under his bed. Sox will from time to time, but usually Logan scares her off. Sis would sit on my lap or in my chair with me for hours and if I got up, I’d move her and she’d wait till I got back. Sis was my girl and she would demand snuggles from Momma all the time. 

Around this time of year, it’s the start of busy season for my job. I was working a lot of overtime and I wasn’t able to give Sis the attention and care that she needed like I should have. I still get mad at myself and mad at my job for the time I lost with Sis. I still go over everything in my mind and wonder, if only I was able to be home more, maybe I could have done more or maybe things could have ended differently. The “what if’s” are constant. 

In the end, I know we made the right decision to let her go. It doesn’t stop my pain of not having her here, but it does help knowing that I did everything that I could to make sure that she knew that we loved her. 

I took this last pic of Sis a little before we left for the Vet’s office. I’m not sure why I took it. I know I didn’t post it because of the 3 drops of saliva on the floor behind her. When I look at it, she is frail and fragile, but I see in the background where she will be laid to rest later in the day. It’s a real and heartbreaking picture. Sis will always be on my mind and in my heart. 

School 2020

These pictures were taken 6 years apart. Despite the fact that my boys are teenagers now, this picture shows the immense difference between how school used to be and how school is today. 

The first picture shows the joy on their faces because they are about to head off to school and see their friends, meet their teachers and learn new things! The second picture shows the boredom and frustration because of “remote learning”. 

What is there to be excited about? How is this the better choice? Kids need to be around other kids. Kids need to be able to run around and learn in a hands-on environment. Instead, my boys are sitting at our dining room table, staring at a computer screen not wanting to participate because they feel defeated. They feel defeated because they had hoped that they would be able to go back to school, even with restrictions, and have a little bit of their “normal” back. They were fully prepared to follow along with the guidelines just so they could go back to school. 

It still boggles my mind that 75% of our school district chose “in-person learning” but then a week later everything changed. Now, 50% of the district has the choice of remote or in-person while the other 50% has no choice.  

The only thing I can hope for during this is that my boys will grow closer to each other. They are teenagers so they still fight and bicker, but they are in this chaotic mess of “remote learning” together. They can help each other with computer and homework issues because they are all each other has when it comes to this. They can’t get help from their friends or even really get hands-on help from their teachers. In the end, I do not believe that “remote learning” will be a good choice for our kids. 

 

Do Good Works!

I happened to see this Jim Carrey quote while scrolling through Facebook. It made me stop and think, who would really do that? I kept scrolling and thinking about it. And then it hit me! Over the years I’ve seen so many posts about people volunteering and essentially humble bragging about it. I’ve probably been guilty of it too!  Why?!

Doing something for someone else should be about helping out and doing it with the kindness of your whole heart. It shouldn’t be about getting attention to feel good about what you’re doing. 

It doesn’t matter how big or small, but the act of helping someone and giving of yourself, your time, your possessions, or your money is what matters. Whether it has been in the past, it is currently happening or could happen down the road, we all need help sometimes. We need to remember to be there for each other without needing attention or recognition to do it.  

It can be very hard for people to ask for help and if they are in a terrible situation, they shouldn’t be made to feel worse in order for someone to get a pat on the back for doing what is right.  It is very true that you never truly know what someone is going through. And if they reach out for help, just help them, don’t look for a way to promote your good deed. Obviously there is a difference between promoting a fundraiser and taking a selfie while they are donating bags of clothes to a donation center.

I know a man who has been a quiet hero for many people. He gives to a local church food pantry as often as possible, he is always willing to help anyone with moving furniture, anytime there is a need for something, he is the first person to help. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him not open his wallet when approached. He continually gives of himself and wants nothing in return but a simple thank you. He knows how blessed he is and he knows that sometimes people just need a little help. He is a very private man who does what he does out of the goodness of his heart and I choose to keep his identity private. 

In the end, it’s about kindness and being there for one another. 

Free Your Faces!

                                           Picture by Reiffhaus

This “pandemic” is different for everyone. Some believe the hype and follow all the protocols. Some go against the grain and go about their business like everything is fine. 

Initially, I was going along with the recommendations because I was put on a “self quarantine” order from my job because Mase had gotten sick and it was “inconclusive” on whether it was COVID-19 or not. I was scared for my child! I was looking for guidance from my job on dealing with my time off and couldn’t get any answers or really any response. My anxiety kicked in and I was frantic! The world was shutting down around me and I felt helpless! I drove my family crazy to the point where they didn’t want to speak to me because my mind was going a mile a minute with all of the hysteria that was being fed to me. I took a step back. I started researching and really listening to what was being reported.

In order for me to work, I was told that I have to wear a mask. I have anxiety. Multiple times a day I have panic attacks while wearing a mask. I have a paper that states that I cannot wear a mask for health reasons and that if asked, the person/people can be fined. I cannot use it at work for fear of being told to not return to work. If I don’t work, I cannot provide health care for my family. I was on leave from work for 40 days and finally got my unemployment money at the end of my second week back at work. I emailed my Governor about his mandate and was given a blanket response restating the mandate. Why should people have to put their mental and physical health on the line in order to provide for their families?! 

By no means am I saying to completely throw caution to the wind. It should be common practice to wash your hands and if someone is elderly or in poor health then be mindful and keep your distance. If you want to wear a mask, that is your choice. Making it mandatory is completely wrong. 

I do personally know of several people who have tested positive and have recovered from COVID-19. We should all be able to go and live our lives unmasked! Standing in lines to enter a store sounds a lot like communist Russia. Wearing masks everywhere sounds a lot like communist China. All they want is control over the masses! Think for yourselves!

And for a little realism and hilarity...if two butt cheeks, underwear and pants can’t hold in a fart, do you really think your mask is working? 

I’m sure a lot of people are going to unfriend me over this and that’s ok. I’ve never been the girl who followed along with the status quo, I’ve always done my own thing. Plus, I’ve read and listened to enough of your opinions about this, I think it’s only fair to share my own. So, Free your faces and go live your lives! 

Good Night Sweet Girl, Momma Loves You

Sissy was the daughter that I never had. We had 9 years as a Family before we got Rocky and Sissy and I was so overjoyed to have a little girl of my very own! 

She was always waiting at the door after a long day at work, she was the most excited to see me when we got back from a trip and Sis was always ready to snuggle with Momma. Sis was always my sidekick! Whether it was sitting on my lap while I worked on a blanket or laying in bed with me because of back and hip pain. Sis always stuck close to me. 

Such an easy going girl, Sis welcomed 2 new cats into our family with ease, even if the other two were not so accepting. Sis didn’t mind, she would just sit back and hope that one day, they would let her love them and snuggle with them. 

Sis was always the only one who really loved the snow. She’s never walked in it (that would be too messy!) but she loved watching the snow fall, she loved getting a bowl of snow to munch on and she knew that her Momma would want to snuggle with her and a blanket once she got home from work. 

No matter what, Sis always had her brother, Rocky, to keep her company. They are brother and sister from the same litter and they will always have that special bond. Rock was the wild and rambunctious boy and Sis would be the calm, sweet sister that would just let him wrestle with her until she had enough. 

Sis has had some health issues that just popped up out of nowhere. We tried several rounds of medication, and some would work for a little while, but she wasn’t getting better. We were faced with 3 options. We could continue with the medication and keep getting the same results and watch her slowly decline. We could start medical procedures that would likely be an ongoing process of biopsies and trial procedures and put her through a slow decline with a lot of pain. Or we could give her the gift of release and let her go. 

As much as we love Sis, it’s selfish for us to keep her in pain. We had 6 years of love with Sis and now it’s time for us to let her go. Sis will always be my Baby Girl and my Princess. 

Blackie “Sissy” VanBuskirk

3/13-11/19

Cat Momma To The Rescue!

Over the last 5 weeks we have gotten two new Feline Members to our Family. So, the grand total is...1 Dad, 1 Momma, 3 Boys and 4 kitties. 

We got Maggie from a dear friend who had to re-home her. Maggie is the sweetest little cuddle bug! She’s pretty skittish and usually stays in our bedrooms. When it’s time for bed though, Maggie is up on the bed (usually laying on my chest), purring away and giving kisses. 

We got Sox close to 2 weeks ago. Sox was my Grammy and Papahowdy’s cat and with them both gone, Sox needed a new home. Sox has never been around other cats and is used to two very quiet people...and my house has 3 boys. Sox can be sweet but takes awhile to get used to things. 

Rock and Sissy have been great adding 2 new kitty girls to the house. Rock just wants to play all the time and Sis just wants to snuggle them. Thankfully, all 4 babies are able to easily navigate around the house and each other fairly easily. 

However, around the time we got Sox, Sis got sick. We saw puddles of yellow liquid in a couple of places and didn’t think much of it, until we saw that it was coming from Sis. It turns out that it was bile. At first we thought it was a hairball that had gotten stuck, but Sis just not getting better. I put her in bed with me and she curled up around my arm and she stayed there from 9:30pm to 4:30am without moving. My Baby Girl was sick and she needed her Momma. 

I took her to the vet and they did blood work and ex-rays and it turns out that Sis has a few very small stones in her bladder and has some very high liver levels. They gave her some fluids and gave us some meds to give her. We are hopeful that the meds will help take care of everything, but I’ve been watching her like a hawk. 

Sis was very weak and jaundiced and wasn’t able to eat or drink anything, when I took her in to the vet. Now, she’s eating and drinking (she’s also getting treats after every medication time) and her sweet, little nose has finally turned pink again! She’s perking up more and more each day, but we will know for sure once we go for her follow up appointment once she’s done with her meds. For now, it’s meds, treats and all of the Momma snuggles she wants. 

I’m Back!

Hey everyone! Long time no blog lol! 

So...life happened and things got busy, but I’m back! 

So many things have happened over the last few months. Some highs and some lows. But, for right now, I’m going to focus on this memory and ease back in.